Top Ten Reasons John Goes Birding

Yesterday, I posted a well-reasoned list of Ten Reasons to Go Birdng. My best friend and domestic partner responded with a decidedly tongue-in-cheek David Letterman-style "Top Ten Reasons John Goes Birding."

Convinced that this provides some humorous insights into how the people closest to us view the strange antics of birders, I am reproducing Marge’s list here in full (with her permission), with the addition of a few pertinent hyperlinks and editorial remarks:

(10) He doesn’t want to go to the grocery store—again—today.

(9) He’s sick and tired of reading about rubes ranting against President Obama speaking at Notre Dame’s graduation.

(8) He wants to see if the kids who camp in our woods left behind any beer.

(7) He doesn’t want to fix the roof.

(6) Even crows sound better than my Bruce Springsteen cd’s.

(5) He can pick up a stick, pretend it’s a mike, and sing like he’s on American Idol [or, more likely, practice his owl imitations].

(4) His pockets are full of Easter candy and he’s gonna eat it all before he returns.

(3) He hopes to practice his snappy comebacks to farmers on whose land he’s trespassing [actually, as an ethical birder, I would never trespass].

(2) He likes to really test those detergent ads that say they can get out any stain.

(1) He’s gathering ideas for his blog so he doesn’t have to post about any more pole dancers.

I’d love to hear the excuses, I mean reasons, that you or your birding partner(s) use to justify going birding—again, or the impressions that non-birding partners have about why their significant other is really going birding—again.